I have my quarterly oncology check up coming up next week.
THIS. is just another reason why, once the #pinkmonkey has jumped on your back, the damn pink monkey is always on your back. Always.
Practically everybody knows the stats that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. But the collateral damage from all the pink is that too many peeps believe we are done (even though pink means rare) and breast cancer is now a “manageable” thing. That just because we who are the 1’s in 8 have a whole month dedicated to us, that breast cancer is the good even lucky kinda cancer to get. Cancer is an insidious bastard and there are no good kinds. Even if you get a whole month filled with bottomless pink buckets of fried chicken dedicated to your cancer like I get with mine. Even if all the chicken BREASTS in the buckets don’t seem the most sympathetic kinda “support” for “aerodynamic” breast cancer peeps like me. But I digress.
1 in 8. That doesn’t seem like a lot if you are in a room with me. And I don’t mind taking that bullet one bit for you. I love you and hope you never have to join this damn exclusive club.
But here’s the thing. Whenever I’m in a room with 9 of my fellow 1 in 8’s, stats hit the fan like #shithitsthefan. To the point: 3 out of 10 of us who have been diagnosed with breast cancer will recur and become metastatic aka #stage4. There is no cure for stage 4. And there is no stage 5.
30%. Not manageable. Not good. Not lucky. Yeah, it’s better than a coin toss. Unless you already rolled a 1 out of 8. Like I did. And like my 9 friends in the room did. That’s why the odds don’t always feel like they are with us. That’s why the pink monkey always is. On our backs.
I was so superpower sad to see that Olivia Newton John has, after 20 years remission, recurred and gone metastatic. #fuckcancer She will be in my prayers, with all my other friends who also have to fight that fight every damn day of their lives for the rest of their lives.
That’s not OK with me. And the #truthbomb is that until we do something different with the way we fight breast cancer, 3 out of 10 of me & my gang, regardless of how aware we were or how early our diagnosis, will experience recurrence.
Now, I’m not against awareness, at all, so don’t get me wrong here. But it seems to me the shift that needs to happen in the way we fight breast cancer is a shift toward the other end of the spectrum, not taking away from awareness, but a laser beam kinda focus on #metastatic cancer, on curing the kind of cancer that kills. Would 30% be too much to ask, if you or someone you knew was in the 30%? Cuz here’s the current situation is that, of all the monies raised to fight cancer, only 7% goes for Metastatic research.
Last week I threw down my epic DONE list. This is most def a practice I wanna keep on keeping on at the end/beginning of a year. Not a report card from each year’s resolution throw down, but just a moment of reflection and celebration, making much ado about crossed off things. To start this tradition and the year off with a #bang #kaPOW, I threw down 51 things on my epic DONE list to reflection/celebration my 51 trips around the sun.
I wasn’t going to do 51 things on my epic TO DO list of this happy New Year’s Resolutions (or Intentions or Goals or Whatever term floats your boat and/or doesn’t get your goat). I was going to narrow it down to 17 cuz that’s what the poet inside of me wanted to do. But the #fomo-aholic in me obvi wanted to cast wider. Luckily #fomo me also waxes poetic. Instead of narrowing down my dreams, when I started throwing them down, I noticed they kinda fell into 3 categories: Places I wanna go, things I wanna do, and the person I wanna be. So I decided to do 3 lists of 17. And then I did the math and LMFAO off at the #divineirony.
So without further ado . . . my 51 things . . .
Plan and save for and save the date for my Buen Camino/Don Quixote pilgrimage in Spain
Albuquerque Balloon Fest
This winter a winter get-away; by next winter a winter home-away-from-home
Have an affair with my creativity #everydamnday but also a writer’s retreat
Check out a drum circle
Nowhere Else Festival
Take the scenic route whenever possible
The the stairs whenever possible (and especially if I ever get back to the Eiffel Tower and the stairs are open for biz)
Girls Night Out
Catch all the sunsets I can
Say YES to adventure
Talk to strangers
On the Road with Grace project (Cincy, Colorado, DC…)
Metavivor Die-in protest on Capitol Hill
Next time I’m in DC, to run the 6-mile running tour that my friend Barbie #RIP #fuckcancer told me about that we wanted to run together #WWBD?
Ride my orange is the new bike on the Loveland bike trail #crosstraining
Step up to the microphone (speaking, storytelling events, open mic, poetry slams, etc)
Finish #shittyfirstdraft of my Route 66 book
Enter my route 66 pix in more photo contests/art shows and have another solo exhibit
Take Jeremy Cowart’s photography and lightroom/photoshop courses from his See University
Finish editing pix/setting up Smug Mug
Record #SHAKEN so Taran can someday hear it in my own voice
Alice in Wonderland writing workshop
Learn to make an origami crane
Learn Qi Gong and/or Tai Chi
Run 500 miles
Do a Tri
Learn to play my uke and my red guitar
Publish a book of my poetry
Flesh out St. Udio’s dream
Build my tribe and love them hard
Make candles out of glass bottles I’ve been learning to cut #upcycle
Learn to etch rocks with my dremel engraver
Work on my Mail Chimp/Postables and make my own thank you/thinking of you note cards, #postcardsfromtheroad, etc send more snail mail
Bringing good energy with me wherever I am #goodjoujou
Fit (Hit the mat/road/gym #everydamnday) (Runkeeper app, Moonjoggers #chasethesun challenge, Yes Fit app)
Heavily meditated (Insight Timer app)
Eat and drink mindfully (My Fitness Pal app)
Hydrated (iHydrate app and water bottle)
Chill on the carbs, superchill on the glutens
Fit back in my fave pair of blue jeans (My Fitness Pal app)
Organized (Evernote app)
Intentional (my carpe the fuck out of the diem worksheet)
Lost in a good book but also writing one #everydamnday
Reading poetry but also writing it #becausetheworldneedsmorepoetry
Creative #thewarofart #makeartnotwar
Cancer free and celebrating my 9 year cancerversary on Aug. 20
Leaving a beauty mark that I was here #belove #theartofkindness
What are your resolves, the intentions you’ve set, the goals you are aiming for, the dreams you are dreaming for 2017? I’d love for you to share them with me so we can cheer each other on!
Here’s mine in a picture. My 2017 vision board, that I worked on during January which I spent with my sweet Redheads and sweetest #taranthewonderbaby! in Colorado. It’s hard to tell from the picture that the base of my vision board is a clock. Which I promptly threw away the batteries and set to 6 o’clock. (Bonus points for anyone who gets that reference!) Anyway, it’s a cool retro superBIG and clunky clock I picked up at a Thrift store cuz I wanted a legit frame for my vision board and also #upcycling things is super fun. I have my vision board hanging out right in front of of my writing desk in my office aka the #rabbitroom so I can keep the intentions I have set and the dreams I’m dreaming for this year always before me. I also have it set as the wallpaper on both my phone and compy. Staying in the game is the hardest part, yeah? How do you stay in the game and manifest your intentions?
This is not a test. This is not about a cute little penguin eating an ice cream cone either. Although since his name is Frank, I’ll follow suit…cuz let’s be frank… If it were a test, I gimme an A. (I thought about giving myself an A+ but that would be boring and leave no room for improvement.) But like I said it’s not a test. This is life. My life…so far.
This is that time of year where we’ve all been throwing down our New Year’s Resolutions/Intentions/Hopes/Dreams/Goals/ToDo’s/Much Ado’s/Whatever you wanna call it, it’s chill just like that scoop of pink bubblegum ice cream Frank’s #nomnom-ing on. I took my own sweet time and worked on mine during January, via a vision board project with my daughter while I spent her birthday month with her in #taranthewonderbabyland aka Denver.
This is not that post. Stay tuned for that post.
This is the prequel to that post. If you know me at all, you know I love me a To Do list like nobody’s biz.
But one of the things I love most about To Do lists, is they help me get shit done cuz I get superkaPOWer motivated checking things off. That Been there, Done that feeling… #amiright?! It got me thinking that maybe a little pause, and dare I say a little celebration, is in order. In honor of the Done list. Which I feel is a more fitting ceremony than merely crumpling up said list and tossing it in the nearest trash can.
So here’s to the Done list that I’ve been there done that these 51 trips around the sun.
In no particular order, here’s a quarter of a century of some of my fave things (in the history of the 51 times I’ve surfed the sun) that I’ve crossed off my To Do list…
Wrote a book
Ran a 10-hour endurance run and netted 35 miles
Ran the #Route66 marathon and world’s shortest ultra
Road-tripped Route 66
Road-tripped California Highway 1 in a convertible
Road-tripped from Vegas to Grand Canyon in a convertible, saw the Grand Canyon, ran the Grand Canyon half marathon trail run
Watched a sunset at Joshua Tree National Park while listening to U2’s Joshua Tree album. TWICE
Met my creativity guru Liz Gilbert TWICE and she remembered me, also she commented that I write like a dream on my FB
Met my writing gurus Anne Lamott and Jasper Fforde TWICE
Met my photography guru Jeremy Cowart TWICE
Did a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, ran the breathtaking Jerusalem ½ marathon, was Kosher for 3 weeks while spending time with my beloved Achoti
Drove down to the Keys and had a Cuban sandwich and some Cuban coffee
Stood on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
Checked in to Hotel California. Heard the mission bell ring. Didn’t check out
Created my #postcardsfromtheroad #Route66 photo exhibit, one of my pics made it into an #americanroadtrip art show at a gallery in NYC, won photographer of the year at ADC’s ACA academy awards for artists, had my first solo exhibit at the 86
Raised my sweet Redheads, homeschooled them for 16 years #bestjobEVER
I am Gigi #hearmeroar #bestjobEVER
Produced SCAR Cincy exhibit, SCAR exhibition consultant, created scar blog, produced SCAR BAMA at Freedom Center
Produced Angelo Merendino’s exhibit in Cincy
Grace project roadtrip sidekick and assistant
Dante pilgrimage and tour in Florence
Saw Rafa play on clay (in Rome sweet Rome)
Ran my own half marathon from Missouri through Kansas to Oklahoma on july 4, 2014 during my route 66 road trip
Ran from Illinois to Missouri across the chain of rocks bridge TWICE
Took down 24 chemo cocktails and (so far so good, 8 years later #yearoftheoctupus) kicked cancer’s ass
Won city districts with my tennis team with me on court 1 my first season back after cancer
Got a volleyball scholarship to college
Got up on stage and told a story at Bespoken Live (a moth-like storytelling event) (3 X so far)
Hiked Ocho Rios in Jamaica
Participated in peaceful protests on Capital Hill
Got tats (12) (so far)
Been COMPLETELY bald down to all but a couple eyelashes
Saw Niagara Falls
Drank a shot out of a test tube at Frankenstein’s Pub in Edinburgh
Bought a copy of The Little Prince from a cashier who was brushing her teeth at Shakespeare’s & Co. in Paris
Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam
Read the Beatitudes on the Mount of Olives. Broke bread and spilled wine there with my friend and fellow pilgrim on my journey to the Holy Land and back. We walked the Via Dolorosa together.
Train-tripped through the Alps from Munich to Rome
Followed in Audrey Hepburn’s Roman Holiday footsteps, vespa-ing about Rome (until the “Vespa Incident” in which the brake didn’t break and I did a Wiley Coyote into a wall and broke my face)
Got red clay on my tennis shoes at Roland Garros in Paris
Snorkeled in Cozumel
Saw Wicked on and off broadway
Walked into THE Cheers Bar and everybody yelled JOULES!
Did a Mayan mud hut sweat lodge ritual akaTemazcal and had the most incredible Mayan massage IN THE WORLD aka Kukulkan in Cancun
Road-tripped up the coast of Scotland
Hiked Hadrian’s Wall
Created my own Not-a-Chemo-Cocktail (for my book release party)
Drank a ½ pint in THE Rabbit Room of THE Bird & Baby aka Eagle and Child Pub, where the Inklings used to hang out
Saw THE wardrobe (at Wheaton University)
Liverpool. Magical Mystery Tour. Hard Day’s Night Hotel. Cavern Club. Amanda and I closed down the club, singing and dancing our hearts out with the Beatles cover band.
I know I probs missed a few epic moments but I tried not to overthink it too much and just go with the flow of my own little brainstorm. #postcardfromtheroad #memorylane #epicmoments #done
Yesterday it snowed and somebody posted this picture of the Blizzard of ’78 and I was like, “Seems like yesterday cuz I remember the Blizzard of ’78.” Except there wasn’t that much snow yesterday.
I was in 6th grade during the Blizzard of ’78. We had a whole week of snow days from January 25-31 during the Blizzard of ’78. You’d think I wouldn’t remember that kinda detailed #postcardfromtheroad #memorylane kinda info 38 years down the road. Especially when you throw in my chemo brain and/or the “Vespa Incident” head injury. But the reason I know all this, is cuz I just dug up my baby book. Which I just now realized my Mom stopped filling out when I was in second grade when my sister was born.
Anyway, the reason I dug up my baby book when the white death reminded us all of the Blizzard of ’78 yesterday, is because I was talking to my Mom a few months ago on my birthday (September 27, in case you were wondering) we were trying to remember what time I was born and I have been too damn lazy to have the Hubcap go into the other room and get the box down out of the closet in the #rabbitroom aka my office.
Until yesterday’s “snow day” when I remembered the Blizzard of ’78 and that my English teacher gave us a blizzard of homework aka the old “snow pack” trick, which included keeping a journal during the snow daze. I still have my snow daze journal from the Blizzard of ’78. Stuffed in between the mostly unused pages of said baby book. So after he brought me my usual coffee in bed, I asked him to rax me the box so I could finally solve the mystery of the time of my birth. But also, I wanted to see my snow daze journal from the Blizzard of ’78.
(Btw, I was born at 7:04 pm, in case it was driving you as crazy as it was driving my Mom.)
Jan. 25 – I had to go out and get some logs for the fire place and I was coming back and fell in a hole that had snow up to my waist. I looked up to my mom who was warm inside and she snapped a picture of me.
Jan. 26 – I got proposed to today. Yes, my sister and I were coloring and all of the sudden she stopped me and said, “Joules, are you gonna marry me?” I tried to explain to her why I couldn’t but she was too dumb to understand. I watched her all day and was supposed to get five dollars but my mom won’t give it to me yet.
Jan. 27 – Another boring day, nothin’ to do because I have to watch my sister. (Now my mom will owe me 10 dollars.) My friends Monica and Lynn cam over to see if I could come out and I couldn’t because of you know who. But tonight will be fun because I’m spending the night with Monica.
Jan. 28 – Freedom! I don’t have to watch Jennifer. My mom still hasn’t paid me. My friend Monica came and asked me if I could go and my mom said I could. We went and got Lynn. We went down to the creek and jumped in to see where it was the deepest. Monica jumped in one place that was past her waist. We had to help her out.
Jan. 29. – Same as Jan. 28. No, my mom still hasn’t paid me. I might make her pay me a dollar a day that she doesn’t give me the $10.
Jan. 30 Guess what? Yes I have to watch Jennifer, hmm $15.00! Well this is going to be boring.
Jan. 31. Wow, what a lucky break. I don’t have to watch Jennifer. We’re going to go to my grandma’s. When we got to my grandma’s I went over to my friend’s house. Her name is Julie, and she got some warm clothes on and we went outside. We went to the woods to find a way to cross the creek. It’s water hadn’t frozen. We found a log that stretched across the creek, so I decided to cross it. I was right in the middle and it started to crack. I got off that log and am not goin’ on it again.
Feb.1 – I think I went to school that day. That WAS boring.
All that to say, I don’t thing my Mom ever paid me that $15. Which is whatever. Cuz the main thing about this old journalistic endeavor of mine that STRIKES ME is that it was the first time in my herstory that I wrote something and got egged on. It would not be the last. And so it goes.
This dad ROCKS. And so do THESE DADS.
Speaking courage into their little girls hearts, souls, minds, spirits like that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-talk lately. My friend Renee and I were even talking about it the other morning over pancakes. I had blueberry, and she had the most ginormous apple strudel bread pudding of a panCAKE that I have ever seen. To be fair, it didn’t even look like she put a dent in hers by the time we left. I’m sure her family has been eating on it for days. Anyway, Renee’s ginormous apple strudel of a panCAKE isn’t really the point I’m trying to make here. As I was saying, the subject of self-talk came up while she tried to chip away at the aforementioned ginormous apple strudel of a panCAKE… and the thing that occurs to me as I’m sitting here being all amused at the memory of Renee and her ginormous apple strudel of a panCAKE, in the midst of my musing on self-talk, is that the self-talk talk we talked about, had nothing to do with pancakes. Even though we talked about how pancakes don’t help muffin tops. Mine, obvi being blueberry. But I digress. (Or do I?)
I don’t know about you but I know I can be so freaking hard on myself. Especially when I let myself down. Like when I got close to fitting back in my fave jeans but then Thanksgiving happened and now I’m the proverbial 3 steps back. Like I haven’t run since it’s gotten cold outside so that just compounds everything cuz not only do I have to actually get out there in the freaking cold to get my running streak back, but sitting here mad at myself isn’t helping me fit back in my fave jeans. And don’t even get me started about when I actually do something stupid, like I sometimes do. Like we all sometimes do. But I seem to forget all the stupid shit you do cuz #lovecoversamultitude and all that. Except for I forget to apply it to myself. What about you?
When you stand in the mirror, what are the things you hear?
What do you need to hear?
Comment below, and then shoot me your contact info
and I’ll drop you a line to hang on to. #xoxo
Still, “random” (or intentional, or whatever the hell you wanna call it just as long as we are talking about) acts of kindness are one of my favorite things in this crazy universe. #kindnessisthebombdotcom #lovebombs #sprinklethatshiteverywhere
I believe that small things (kindnesses) done with great love change the world.
My top 5 fave reads from sweet 16 are: Love Warrior, Rising Strong, Big Magic, My Life on the Road, and Buck.
I love bulletproof coffee. And ginger shots.
I don’t mind going to the movies by myself. Popcorn (with real butter, and sometimes #shakennotstirred with dark chocolate covered raisins) and red wine is one of my fave things. #dinnerofchampions #scandal
I’ve recently found out I am allergic to lemon, tomatoes, cow’s milk, and bananas. I have been trying to get to the bottom of some dizziness I’ve been dealing with ever since the combo of chemo, the “Vespa incident”, and an ear infection I got running the Monumental half marathon in Indy. I’d been wondering if I was allergic to bread and wine, since those are my staples in life. I’d been cutting down on the glutens, cuz they seemed the likely culprit of a migraine trigger and therefore the dizzy, but also the muffin top I’ve gotten since the hysterectomy/oophorectomy/golfballectomy last year. Never even thinking it wasn’t the carrier (pasta and pizza) but the sauce and/or THE CHEESE. OY freaking vey. But thank God I’m not allergic to bread and wine. Cuz that horrified me, thinking I was allergic to my guru Jesus.
Jesus is my guru. My anchor. Keeps my feet on the ground. My balloon. Keeps my head in the clouds. The author and finisher of my life, my story, my faith. Holds me together. Is gravity to me. Is everything to me.
Love is my religion. My main mantra is: Live Sincerely. Be love. Do love. Do-be-do-be-do. (The divine dance.) And leave a beauty mark that I was here. My friend Jen says it best, with one of my fave quotes of hers that I had tattooed on my shoulder: At the end of my life when I ask, one final time: What have I done? Let my answer be: I have done love.
I don’t want to be buried. The thought of being stuck in one place makes me claustrophobic as hell. I’d rather be cremated and for my sweet Redheads to travel the world and scatter me about on their adventures, to keep me and my wanderlust alive and kicking.
“Ride” by 21 Pilots is my current theme song.
When I road-trip, one of my guilty pleasures is Taco Bell’s Fiery Doritos Locos Tacos.
I work with a national body image project called the Grace Project that is all about empowering women to embrace their body image and beauty, post breast cancer. But I’m mad at my own body for the blueberry muffin top effect that has hap’d since my operation out damn golf ball ectomy last year, which has sent ripples throughout my own body image. Which I know, since I’m small, I’m not allowed to complain about. Which is shame on shame.
I’m using My Fitness Pal to help me get back on track, but more importantly, back into my fave blue jeans.
I’m working on a writing workshop based on Alice’s adventures in Wonderland that I hope to beta test in February. My goal will be to create a space for women stepping into a “More Alice” kind groove, to encourage them discover/explore their voice, to hold space for them to speak their truth and share their stories, and to guide them in the art and craft of telling those stories.
I prefer to take the stairs whenever I can. To give my heart good lovin’. But also, cuz once when the Redheads were little, we went to the Eiffel Tower and Mikeyy and I got voted down on taking the stairs to the top. It was still cool, don’t get me wrong, but not taking the stairs has been a regret of mine ever since. When I took him to his YWAM mission trip in Germany after he graduated high school, we flew into Paris to have a little holiday together before he would be gone for a year, and we tried to right that regret…but the stairs were closed due to post 9/11. Not giving up. One of these days those stairs will be mine!
I love lists. I love making lists and crossing things off lists. Post it’s are one of my fave things to make lists on. I have my prayer list on post it’s hanging all over the walls of my prayer/meditation closet. I start every day with filling out a seize the day template of lists I created, which includes some of my fave lists like prayers, intentions, and gratitudes. These lists are one of my superpowers.
When the Redheads were little I used to let them play connect the dots with the freckles on my arm to keep them occupied in doctor office waiting rooms.
I dig our funky little #loveshack baby yeah, and I love the room we rent in #coloradoorbust that is all decked out and themed with my #route66 #roadtrip #art (which, btw, is avail for a superpower good deal whenever we aren’t there), but I HATE BEING COLD and am not a fan of living in cold climates or cultures. One of the things I learned about myself on my Route 66 road trip was that I belong in the Southwest. A Spanish style home. With a courtyard. And a pool out back. With a view of desert mountains, cactuses, and the big blue sky. And a dog named Pancho Sanza to be my sidekick.
Spain is the top destination on my bucket list. A Don Quixote/The Camino Del Santiago/Tempranillo pilgrimage.
When I road-trip I like to take the road less traveled whenever I can. And I break for scenic overlooks. And every #worldslargest #kitchsy #americana #roadsideattraction I can squeeze in along my route. Instagram is my fave “travel app” cuz I use it to create #postcardsfromtheroad. The #kelvin filter is my go to for my social media vibe.
I don’t know if it’s collateral damage from chemo brain and/or the “Vespa Incident” but I travel so much and meet so many people in so many different settings, that when I see somebody in another context, I often panic and go blank on important details LIKE NAMES. This makes me feel like a horrible person.
I’m thinking of saving up for a Pelaton bike to give a spin to my fitness training. Cuz like I said, I hate being cold. And I’m not a fan of running outside when it’s cold. All I wanna do when it’s cold is hibernate. Next to the fireplace. Or go to the desert or the beach. I’m a pretty big baby about this. Ask the hubcap if I don’t tell him how much I hate winter every damn time we go outside every winter. Last winter we joined a fitness club. But our travel schedules made that feel like we were throwing money away. I try and do some yoga/core work/rebounder workouts to keep me from bouncing off the walls during the winter. Last year I did enjoy a little cross-training cuz the club had a pool and I tried to hit it whenever I was in town. And that got me thinking about doing a Tri. And that and my knees got me thinking about cycling. The other piece of exercise equipment I think would be super cool to have one of these days when we move to our Spanish style home in the desert, is one of those rowers the Underwood’s have on #houseofcards.
For my 50th birthday, I got an electric #redguitar. I’m not a guitar player. I barely know how to play. But the movie The Guitar gave me #livesincerely feels so I bought myself a birthday present even though I don’t normally go around buying myself birthday gifts. Sometimes I play it when I’m working on a chapter for my #bucketlist #Route66 #roadtrip #memoir, called Why Did The Turtle Cross The Road? Like cross-training for writers. Since my chapters all have a soundtrack to them, a song from my epic road-trip playlist, I cross-train by trying to learn to play the song that goes with the chapter I’m working on.
I think my next tattoo will be a turtle, above my “Finish the race” tattoo.
I thought I’d dig up this one from the archives. My #25RandomThingsAboutMe from back in my chemo daze of two-thousand and late. This has been on my #ToDoList anyway, since reading #lovewarrior cover to cover the day it arrived in the mail. Cuz Glennon Doyle Melton wrote about her list of 25 random things in it. I am going to throw down a new list (cuz life. it haps. and we change and evolve. or at least hopefully we do. so i doubt i will come at it exactly the same since i’m not exactly the same as i was 7 years ago.) But first, I wanted to check in with what I wrote back then. Did you write a list of 25 random things about you way back in the day too? Also, HAVE YOU READ LOVE WARRIOR YET?
25 Random Things About (two-thousand and late) Me
23. I am rarely random. For example, I usually think through what I’m about to say, rephrasing and such, about 3-5 times before I say it. Sometimes, I think about what I’m about to say to the point that it becomes so concrete that I think I’ve already said it. Then I sit there waiting for a response. Then I figure I said something to make you mad or something.
2. My kids are the sweetest hearts of my heart and my hub has been true to the in sickness and for worse part of our vows which has been hard on him and humbling for me.
9. I keep Hershey’s Chocolate Candy Bars and a jar of peanut butter in my nightstand. Also a pencil (and sharpener and a thesarus) and 3X5 cards for writing ideas or lists that hit me in the middle of the night. And a sweetart tin and supply that I sometimes take when we go out to see a movie. (We go to see movies A LOT, and I almost always get popcorn, but only sometimes take my sweetarts.) Also, whatever I’m reading. and a dictionary. And a crossword puzzle book is either on mine or Dave’s depending on who ended up filling in answers last.
17. I LOVE to play tennis. My license plate says EAT SLEEP TENNIS. I have a decal on my side window that looks like a tennis ball broke it. I can see it out my side rear view window, and smile every time I see it. I also have a tennis ball hanging in my garage that my mini likes to park under. I live right behind the tennis courts in my neighborhood and my boys made stairs going down the hill for me while I was having all the surgeries in the beginning of this cancer thing. 170 is the tennis channel on my tv. Someday I would like to plan a year of traveling around the world from slam to slam.
5. I am an INFP, according to the Meyers-Briggs personality profiling. So is Fanny Price, one of my favorite Austen characters. And in my opinion, Jane Eyre is too. I love all that personality profiling stuff. Although I don’t think you should put anybody in a box with it or anything else. I don’t do boxes.
14. I like to write sonnets. I like to write, period. But I’m very fond of sonnets. I have a Shakespeare bust that sits on my desk. A candlestick holder I got made of wood shavings from the Globe. I wear a small gold hoop like he wore, which I bought at the Folger Shakespeare Theatre in D.C.
4. Since Amanda has stolen my guitar off me, I’ve been thinking about getting a new one and picking it back up and trying to learn some of the worship songs we sing at the Vineyard and other songs I like. Also I’d like to write some of my own.
19. I am not good with small talk; much rather sit across a table from you with a bottle of wine in between us and sip on good wine and conversation as long as we’re both able. (There is an Over the Rhine song in that answer that you really should hear-Born-it’s one of my faves, and theme songs.)
22. I am “Monkish” OCD, and understand Dr. House maybe a bit too much. Think Hugh Laurie is my fave actor. (p.s. in re: 22 and 12 when you’re all done reading this, I did end up going back to recheck because I’m not really lazy. I just thought it seemed tedious, which I don’t like. And even though I’d like to pretend that I really don’t care enough to go back and check and re-check, I do. Still, that doesn’t mean that I’m for sure going to get it right.)
3. During chemo I found that I have a birthmark on the base of my head that looks like a cluster of grapes, which I think is very cool. And I’d like to think of it as one day becoming a glass of pinot noir when it grows up.
6. I love to cook with loud music in the background and a glass of wine in my hand. What’s usually cooking in my house is garlic and onions and some pasta (the house fave is spag carbonara-rachel ray’s recipe tweaked the tiniest bit-I think we’d be great friends). the wine on tap is generally a pinot noir, but we like to try lots of different wines and I have a great relationship with the woman who owns the wine store around the corner. currently playing on my IPOD is a chemo mix I have going as my soundtrack while I’m fighting cancer and dealing with chemo.
11. I drive a cooper mini which I call Rocinante (Don Quixote’s horse), and love that all mini drivers acknowledge one another in passing, and often park next to each other. It is a fun club to be in. One time, at the movie theatre, I left a note on the windshield of another mini we parked next to, saying, my mini likes your mini. When I came out, there was a note on my mini’s windshield that said the same thing.
16. I liked driving on the other side of the road in England, and think this says a lot about me.
24. One of my regrets in life was being talked out of climbing up the Eiffel tower and taking the elevator. I need very much to go fix that when I go watch the French Open someday.
8. I think gargoyles are cool. Also the fact that I have one of each of the state quarters.
21. Once, my dad took me to the riverboat and I won $1000 bucks at craps.
15. I have just gotten to a point in my treatment, where the tearing down of chemo is done, and I am so happy that the building up time is at hand. But I feel really impatient because my body can’t keep up with all the places my mind is jumping, especially as regards to regaining my fitness. The spirit is willing, and quite cranked up and raring to go, but the body is so freaking weak.
7. I have wanderlust.
18.I want to have a coffee shop/book store named St. Udio’s someday. All the coffee mugs will have ink sketches of the saints of my coffee shop: St. upid will have a dunce cap on; St. ump will be short and, well, stumpy; St. ick will look like a stick of course. St. udio will have his tongue in his cheek…. You get the picture.
25. To me, coffee is the alpha drink and wine is the omega. Although I am not against having a glass of wine with an omelet in the morning or a cup of espresso with a biscotti before bed. I really don’t think coffee and wine should be put in boxes anymore than people. The important thing, is balancing the stimulants and depressants.
1. I am trying to figure out what to do with my second lease on life.
20. I would like to live in a warmer climate, where I don’t need to own a coat, where I could play tennis outside all year long, where I could take long walks in the sand after dinner everyday, and sleep with the window open so I can hear the waves.
13. I like to play Scrabble and do crossword puzzles and Scramble on Facebook. Basically I love words and playing with words. And writing.
10. I liked when my tennis opponents used to tell me I reminded them of Justine Henin. I think women’s tennis is not the same without her. And I wish I could’ve seen her play in person. Tried to last summer in Charleston, but she withdrew from the tournament, which really bummed me out. And then she retired before the U.S. Open, which bummed me even more. I also think we would be great friends.
12. I had to use a little stickie pad with the numbers 1-25 written on it to make sure I could use them in a random fashon; but even still, it’s quite possible that I messed up. And I’m too lazy to double-check.
Holy WOW! Talk about a happy #blastfromthepast of a #fbf memory! So today is Shaken Not Stirred . . . a Chemo Cocktail‘s birthday! Once upon a time 5 years ago tonight aka 11/11/11 at 11:11pm I made the first biggest dream of my life come true, pushed PUBLISH, my book went live on Amazon, and we popped a cork on a bottle of champagne to celebrate!
Besides obvi popping another cork today, I thought it would be superkaPOWer fun to #SHAKEN things up a bit and give away 5 signed copies in honor of my book baby’s 5th bday. So if you’d like to enter to win one, for yourself or for a gift, send me a #postcardfromtheroad from wherever you are, and I’ll #shaken them all up and randomly pick 5. (Don’t forget to write down the name and addy for me to inscribe and mail to.) Here’s my addy: PO Box 882, West Chester, OH 45071.
And in case you are wondering what to buy a 5-year-old? The best. gift. EVER. that you could (pretty please _/\_) get my sweet book baby that would #shaken up and rock its (and my) world like no other…would be to click HERE and give it the ol’ thumbs up and shiny stars on Amazon. 5-year-olds LOVE stars! (As a self-published author, that is not just my bread and butter, but like Popeye’s spinach to me.) So thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who has already written a review or will go do that most uber epic act of kindness for my book baby!
It’s been awhile since I posted here. My jam is usually Facebook cuz for me Facebook to Facebook feels about as close to face to face as virtual gets. But I also have a lot of fun on Instagram cuz I’m on the road a lot and I love sending a picture #postcardfromtheroad from here and there and everywhere my road leads. I’m also on Twitter but I’m not as consistent as I’d like to be on there cuz ADD. I get in a groove on there and then I see a squirrel and forget about it until another squirrel chases the little twitter-bird and leads me back. I’m also on Snapchat and think it’s superpower fun whenever I remember to click on the #friendlywhiteghost. I hope you will find me on those social mediums if we aren’t already connected there too. But hopefully you’ll find me here more these days, as I’ve been working to synchronize the spaces I hang out in on the interwebs, in order to put the emphasis on the social in my media. Cuz I’m here, there, and everywhere I go to connect. Otherwise, why bother? #amiright?!
Anyway, I posted this on my Facebook wall yesterday and it seemed to connect with so many of my crazy beautiful peeps, who don’t normally speak up, in a way that kinda took my breath away. It felt like a sacred space. That made me happy. I thought it was worthy of exploring. But then today on FB I’ve noticed so many people drawing lines in the sand and deleting people. Which feels like the opposite of the space I want to hang out in. I don’t see any point in preaching to “the choir” or hanging out with just the choir. Cuz I can barely sing anyway so most likely the line will eventually get drawn in the sand in front of me. And I’ve already been deleted by quite a few (I don’t usually notice these things until I see posts from peeps on deleting sprees and then I click on my own page just to see if I have any friends left, and am always so grateful for all my lovely peeps who continue to bear with me) just because of this scandalous post that I posted yesterday. In it I just basically asked for love and forbearance for people I love who are hurting, and for the kindness to weep with them just a little on the space I created for them on my wall. In this broken 2 party system, half our country was going to be disappointed no matter how the election shook down. I provided the same space as a human and on my wall last election when things went the other way for people I love on the other side of this broken 2 party system.
Because something I knew in my head but that got engraved on my heart and soul while I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death that cancer was, or at least, the things other people did that meant the most to me, as far as helping love me through it was this: 1. Show up. 2. Share in—NOT try to fix or take away— my suffering, with me, by holding space for me, letting me experience what I am experiencing and feel what I am feeling. 3. Offer up. The things they offered that meant the most to me was themselves. Their presence even if they didn’t know what to say cuz the truth is there is no one-size-fits-all “right” thing to say. But a simple loving presence can say everything that needs to be said. Their 2 eyes to see me, and to be a witness to my life, even this very hard part to watch and it makes their eyes leak a little. That’s OK cuz we both have 2 arms to comfort one another and hold on for both our dear lives with. Their 2 hands and feet to help out with practical things I couldn’t manage but especially with my Redheads. But also and especially their 2 ears which were generous to listen first and their one mouth which was gracious to let the ears do most of the talking. And last but not least, remember. I know you cannot stay in this space with me but please don’t forget me or that I’m still here. 4. Prayer, positive thoughts, pixie dust, good vibes, #goodjoujou …any healing words somebody I love sends me to say they are with me in spirit and loving me from afar when we can’t be near.
That is why I got out of bed yesterday, and the kinda the space I was trying to create on my wall, and why it felt so sacred to me. So today I thought I’d repost it here, to just put this out there in a wider space beyond my FB wall, where maybe I don’t know as many peeps, but at least there are not so many lines in the sand and walls. And maybe somebody who needs somebody to weep with them will hear me weeping with them.
[Note: This is my wall. My space. I try to curate this space, my space, to hold space for myself and others who could use a little love and encouragement. It’s an occupation in my life that I take super sinceriously. I say this because I am begging everyone to respect not just me but those I love who are hurting today. I am holding space here and in my heart for them (and myself) today. So please have mercy and be kind in this space, my space. Or just scroll on by like I do on other’s own pages, their spaces, when I don’t feel the space they are curating, holding, is for me. #scrolldonttroll#belikethumper#bekind2016]
I feel very sad today. And disappointed. And discouraged. Sad and alone. A tiny blue dot. I did not vote for walls and other things that separate us and keep us apart because I believe we had one job and that was to#loveoneanother and, for me, that means building bridges not walls. With my vote, I stood up for people I love, and bridges, and against a bully, all the while getting bullied by other people I love who don’t look into the eyes of some of the people I love, and sometimes it feels, to me, like they don’t care to. I was with her, and I am not ashamed to say that even though I haven’t wallpapered my wall, this space, my space, with campaign stickers and sound bytes. Even though many have tried to shame or silence me by drawing inferences from the times I’ve stood up for those I love who are hurting. Like the 9 million women who spoke their truth and said #notokay. For them, for all the women fighting the good fight against misogyny, for my#metavivor friends who are alive because of Obamacare and worried about becoming just another #preexistingconditions again, for all the#blacklivesmatter cuz they matter to me, for my LGBTQ peeps, for my Muslim brothers and sisters, for the Syrian refugees and the Statue of Liberty which mocks them, for Viva Mexico on the other side of the President elect’s wall, for my Redheads and the world they have stepped out into, for my Grandson #taranthewonderbaby and the world he recently entered. For all these people I love, and others I may be emotional and accidentally neglecting to mention, I tried to be love and do love when I used my voice, cast my vote, voted my truth. I voted love. I hoped love would trump the hate and fear. I believed love would win. I still believe #lovewins but today this#lovewarrior is a little weary. I know this circus of an election was about many things. I can and have respected many of those things on, not just both sides, but all the sides. I watched all the debates, news channels, and all the opinions of my crazy beautiful tapestry of peeps. I’ve truly tried to understand all the sides because I have people I love on all the sides. It’s about the people, my people. Not. the sides. I believe in bridges. I don’t believe in walls and I truly didn’t believe my country did either. I truly don’t believe this is #wwjd. That makes me sad to my core, methinks, because, well, he is my core. And yet, it’s been leveled at me that I’ve been brainwashed or have come to my view lightly. I’ve been accused of compromising my Christianity because I have a different view of what is pro life. All I can say to that is: here’s my other cheek. So, even though my wall, my space, is not normally political, it is, I hope, about being love and doing love and sometimes doing love is standing up for those I love, knowing that it’s gonna get me knocked down by other people I love. I do feel knocked down today. But I know I’ll get back up cuz love. And in the meantime, while I’m down here, I’m gonna lay me down real flat, like a bridge over troubled water, so as not to be confused with a wall of any kind unless it’s a#tecatewall, holding space and sending out love to all of my peeps who are hurting today.