14 years ago today, the day before my “aerodynamic surgery” aka mastectomy aka the amputation of my boobs, in preparation for my chemo “haircut”, I decided it was high time for an epic check mate kinda move & had my goldilocks cut off in an attempt to taper down to the bald. I actually had a party at the Salon that day with my Pinot Grigio girls from my hood. Take that cancer.
Do I miss the old mop? Nah. ‘Twas a bit unruly, if you wanna know the truth. A couple of cowlicks always causing me double trouble, refusing to lay any which way but loose.
I did kinda hope i might get some of those chemo curls everybody else in the world seems to get… but alas, i got chemo spikey spikes instead. C‘est la vie but life is a good thing. At least they are low maintenance cuz that’s another good thing. Also, saves money on hairbrushes since I don’t own one anymore. Who knew so much good could come out of one scaryAF but bold ass haircut?
RIP Jenny Pagliaro. Singer of Roses and Cigarettes. She was only 35. Her song “Fast As I Can” is about living with metastatic breast cancer. She was a sister I didn’t know personally. But I take her death very personally. I’m 53. The same beast that tried to kill me 10 years ago, killed her today. At 35. I’m not OK with that. With any of it.
Everybody knows that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their lifetime. I am one of the 1 in 8. But not everybody knows that 3 out of 10 of those 1 women in 8 (that’s 30% of all initial breast cancer diagnosis regardless of stage) will have a breast cancer recurrence, become metastatic, become one of the 113 women who die every day in our country. If you are inside the breast cancer world, it feels like everybody outside the breast cancer world thinks that since we all think pink in October, that we got breast cancer “handled”. I doubt Olivia Pope would consider the situation handled.
I keep posting about my friends keeping on dying cuz they keep on dying and I am a witness to their lives and they will not go softly into the night if I stand up here on this platform and say there name out loud and proud, do my part to pay forward my own good fortune by helping keep their memory alive.
Today Jenny Pagliaro is one of the 113 women (and #mengetbreastcancertoo) die from breast cancer every day in our country. There are 112 more women, who are not famous rock stars who wrote uber fab breast cancer anthems, that will die from metastatic breast cancer. Just like Jenny Pagliaro. But without the fanfare. It will not be on the evening news. The world will not notice. Except we in the breast cancer community will notice. We feel each one. We all know many of them. Some of deeper in the breast cancer movement have people they know and love die everyday, sometimes more than one friend a day. We all know it could be us. We don’t have breast cancer handled. It is NOT a manageable disease.
It’s not a fluke that Jenny Pagliaro or any of my friends who die on a given day, die on any given day. It’s what cancer does. It has one job, and it does it well. Approximately 800 women (and men) get breast cancer in the US every day, and 113 die every day. We haven’t done much to change those ugly stats. Pink has not handled cancer.
Metastatic breast cancer research is where our focus needs to be. UCLA Metastatic breast cancer researcher Dennis Slamon’s discovery of the targeted immunotherapy aka Herceptin is the only reason I’m sitting here typing these word. It used to be 100% fatal kind to get. His work was focused on metastatic breast cancer patients without any options remaining who had all been told to go home and get their homes in order. He took these “hopeless” cases, gave them hope and Herceptin, and ended up turning the tide for Her2 breast cancer patients like me. Before we didn’t have a bullet against the beast. Now we have a bullet. So far, so good, mine’s been a silver bullet.
But my point is, we need to do this with all the cancers, not just breast cancers. This is where we need to be putting our monies, into metastatic cancer research. The #truthbomb is, if we cure metastatic cancers, then it becomes a manageable disease cuz nobody is dying from it. Then we are “handling” it. I recommend METAvivor Research and Support Inc. 100% of everything they raise goes to metastatic breast cancer research. The kind that kills. The kind we should be focusing on. They are focusing on it. They got one job and I believe they are gonna do it.
Meanwhile, Pagliaro’s song “Fast As I Can” resonates deep with me today. Here’s a really good Billboard article about her. Here are a couple quotes I pulled outta it that hit me where I live as fast as I can.
“The upbeat, twangy songs message about living life to the fullest shines through, even as it chronicles Pagliaro’s frequent hospital visits for cancer treatment.”
&
“This song was written about my battle with stage IV breast cancer,” Pagliaro told Billboard at the time. “It’s about not letting the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced stop you from living your dreams.”
[You know that scene in The Jerk where Steve Martin gets stoked over “The new phonebooks are here!” A similar scene went down here today, when I realized that Shaken has 100 reviews on Amazon! This is so very timely not to mention encouragingAF as my sweet Amanda (the best personal assistant EVER) & I put the noses to the grindstone to take the old red pencil and mark up the recording for the Audible version.]
So damn grateful for the kindness of reviews. It seems like a little thing, but to all of us who put our works out in the world, it is actually all the things & a bag of chips with a cherry on top. Not counting Amazon sales (which is the only thing Amazon counts… They don’t count the 1k+ books I’ve bought (from them) and sold from the trunk of my car on my travels around the country, solo or with The Grace Project.) I have personally looked into the eyes and put over 1000 books in people’s hands. True, I’ve only sold about half those. The others I have used as thank you cards to my gracious hosts in my travels around the country/world; I have donated to many friends of friends who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and I couldn’t bring myself to charge them on top of what they are going through; I’ve sold them at my book release parties and other book events like the #Milford Readers & Writers festival, my library’s local author book fair, and other events and appearance, or foundations have asked me to donate books to their fundraisers and I always do. –My point is not to Pat myself on the damn back or anything here. Patting yourself on the back never feels quite as sweet as somebody else patting you on the back. My point in opening my vein here, is cuz I don’t know how else to properly express the depth of gratitude I’m feeling to hit the milestone of 100 reviews. Last week I had a conversation with somebody who challenged my legitimacy as an author cuz I’m self published and they wondered if anybody but the hubcap has ever bought my book. Kinda sent me spiraling. I did not leave my house the next day, even called in sick to occupational therapy for my #write hand. After laying around the house all damn day I still couldn’t sleep that night. After scrolling through Facebook like a prayer list as I am won’t to do in the middle of the night, I ended up clicking onto my Amazon Shaken Not Stirred . . . a Chemo Cocktail page and read through every single review sending out mad love and gratitude to all those crazy beautiful souls. I’ve recently realized what a miracle it is to get Amazon reviews at all, since over the years I’ve had various people I’ve personally handed books to in my travels around the country contact me saying they tried to give me a review but Amazon won’t accept it cuz they aren’t a verified purchase since they bought one at an event or outta the trunk of my car. And they always take down any reviews from friends and family. I get that, kinda? but I also don’t. The hubcap & redheads all wrote reviews I thought anybody looking for a cancer memoir would find helpful since they lived through it too. It wasn’t just my story. They weren’t just gushy sweet nothings but thoughtful reviews. But Amazon took them down. Whatever. Back to my point. Bowing down in gratitude. It truly is one of the best ways to love your fave authors.
Speaking of, I have a lot of fave author friends out there. Please feel free to post the links for your books so all my friends can know all know and love all your good books like I do. And please always try to go and leave a kind word for them on Amazon. #fortheloveofbooksandauthors
Blast from the past FB memory of bc (before cancer) Joules. 11 years ago today. Probably cuz I’m in a strange space contemplating life & death and especially the life & death of my step-sister Shele, this old memory popping up this morning, led me down a road and I decided to follow it to see where it would take me. Curiously, serendipitously, it led me from this random day in March 11 years ago, to the random day that August the poem the picture inspired, to another random day that same August–precisely on August 23–when I was contemplating my own life and possible death and Shele got in a car, drove from Indy, and showed up to the prayer meeting we had at the Evanshire to kick off my cancer battle. I will never ever forget that. We didn’t know each other very well. We didn’t grow up together. We weren’t the Brady Bunch. We had a whole lifetime before we met and a few lifetimes after. We lived in the same city for a little while and that was lovely. She introduced me to Shania Twain on one of our girls nights out. I can never hear Shania and not think of her. I had a dream of seeing Shania in concert with Shele that will always be an unchecked box. Cuz the box on her calender at the end of the dash was checked off on Wednesday, March 20, 2019. The box on my calendar for tomorrow is to get in the car, drive to Indy, & show up to celebrate her life. Which seems fitting, to me. Honoring to her, since that’s how she lived her life as far as I knew. She showed up. It’s really the least we can do. But it’s also everything, which I am reminded as I remember Shele and her fine art of showing up.
[While I was working on this little meditation and preface to my poem, I realized that Red is also the color for Stroke & Aneurysm Awareness. Sweet serendipity, circling back to my step-sister Shele, like a benediction. Rest in peace. Loved you like a sister.
Red
What was she thinking?
The writing was on the shirt
Red. Read it and weep.
Red means stop. Smell the
Roses NOW. Think on these things…
Capture this moment.
Take a snapshot. Write
A haiku about the girl
With long hair and curves.
Red flag hiding on
The billboard that chest would be
Come what may someday
Soon. Some random day
In August. As inciting
Incidents are wont
To do making much
Ado like they do. Outta
Nowhere. But leading
Somewhere. In my case
Aerodynamic. Cancer
Wasn’t on my mind.
Not on my radar.
I wasn’t 42 yet–
The proverbial
Answer to my life,
universe, everything me.
My left boob was red
Hot*. But not like the
Happy ending kind of hot
But goodbye girls kind.
Good riddance pound of
Flesh. I like you better off
My chest. The one thing
Is swimsuit shopping
In a curvy world. That girl
Didn’t have to think
Twice. This girl though
Whose cup overflows. Doesn’t
Translate to swimsuits.
*breast thermography is a non-traditional way to scan for breast cancer, and red basically means hot (cancer activity) areas on the scan. #nutshell
August 22, 2012 Before the VLOG we just texted back and forth and I superpower wish I had those old videos, but this is the first time I VLOGGED about Maya.
2 We had a thing about sock monkeys. This is a video I made for her September 14, 2012
3 Sept. 15, 2012 that time i interviewed Maya for my VLOG in which she shares her superpower: that smile. aka the day when Maya stole everybody’s hearts on my VLOG (not to mention the heart of my VLOG and the VLOG itself).
4. Mason Arts Festival Sept. 17, 2012
5. Oct 2, 2012 the first time Maya hijacked my vlog and i knew it was time to dust off the old resume and start hitting the pavement looking for a new job
6. Oct 4, 2012 that time I literally had to picket even for a cup of coffee when my sweet mini me Maya the Magnificent hijacked my VLOG for the Taking Down Cancer segment of the show, for a second time. Despite the loss of my non-existent wages for my VLOG “job” these were my most fave times in the history of my VLOG not to mention some of the most precious moments of my life.
7. Oct. 10, 2012 Just another time Maya took over my VLOG—had me dragged away even, LMFAO!
8. Nov. 30, 2012 Maya’s laugh on #helium. Best. Sound. EVER. in the history of the world.
9. Dec. 10, 2012 Maya aka the Claw Whisperer
10. feb 5, 2013 Hijacked again! Maya takes over my VLOG and takes down cancer #mayacraft style
11. feb 17, 2013 that time maya came with me to get my dragonfly tattoo and her mama brought mimosas.
12. March 7, 2013. that time i ran the jerusalem half marathon with maya in my heart and her name on my shirt.
13. march 20, 2013. That time i prayed for maya at the wailing wall.
14. April 29, 2013 Maya, her purple crayon, and my purple mane.
15. April 30, 2013 Maya’s Magnificent Idea: #RAK the best kinda antidote to random acts of violence.
16. July 12, 2013 Like Mama like Maya
17. August 10, 2013 that time Maya’s magnificent mama jumped on the bed to wake Maya and her sister Anna up for me.
18. Aug 20, 2013 Pink & Blues sisters. once upon a time when we got our hairs colored together.
19. Aug 26, 2013 my rainbow sock monkey twin my mini me gave me
20. feb 24, 2014 reality bites. my fist attempt at spoken word. i wrote this after my friend vanessa died. she is the inspiration for my vlog. that same week maya’s mama and i went to the funeral of a little girl. this kills me to watch it. missing v. but also knowing that i could say it all again with maya on my mind. i’m wearing the stupid cancer tshirt maya gave me.
21. april 14, 2014 the flight of lovely dragonflies That time Maya, our friend Suleika Jaouad, and I were conspiring to do an epic event for The Dragonfly Foundation. Cancer doesn’t exactly cooperate, and the event didn’t go down but damn we had fun dreaming. Suleika is a beautiful soul who has dealt with the same kinda #AML#fuckcancer that Maya dealt with. She chronicled her battle in her “Life Interrupted” column for the The New York Times. And won an EMMY for her NYT video series. Maya adored her. She was one of her sheroes. And is one of mine.
22. June 1, 2014 A video I made for Maya cuz URANUS gas. In which she (and savannah) once again hijacked the taking down cancer segment of the show by kicking cancer’s uranus gas.
23. June 13, 2014 That time I caught up with Suleika and 1)score an EMMY 2) prove the detour sometimes IS the destination 3) muse upon the notion of sprinkling kindness.
24. Aug 23, 2014 That time Maya and I did the ALS #icebucketchallenge and Anna Awesome Sauce dropped almost all of the ice freaking cold water on my head!
25. Oct 14, 2014 This is one of my faves. Just a day in the life. Maya and me. Goofing off and sending videos back and forth.
26. Feb 16, 2015 At the Dragonfly gala with Maya and crew
27. Feb 24, 2015 just a video exchange with maya once when she was bored in the waiting room at the dr’s office.
28. Pie Day 2015 Maya’s not in this one but I did it for Dragonfly.
29. Sept 1, 2015 Dear Cancer, a spoken word retrospective on my 7 year cancerversary, in which I speak of my purpose of being a cancer activist, especially when it picks on kids.
30. July 4, 2016 A taking down cancer I made with Yoss and Freddy for Maya shortly after she went back to the hospital for her 3rd damn battle with AML.
31. July 15, 2016 Another video exchange with Maya while she was at Children’s in the thick of her third damn battle with AML, in which she gave me a tour of her room!
32. Another taking down cancer video I made for Maya, and also I gave her a reciprocal tour of my balcony.
33. July 18, 2016 A video I made to send Maya with a bunch of my friends at a local storytelling event in Cincinnati called Bespoken Live. It’s an evening of crafted storytelling riffing off a four letter word. Kinda like The Moth. The word of the evening was FREE.
34. Aug 11, 2016 A video my Redheads and I made for Maya in which we take down cancer in a pool and then Amanda sings the Cancer is a Bitch song she wrote for me.
35. August 14, 2016 Maya and I made this taking down cancer video when I visited her at Children’s Hospital, right before she went to St. Jude for the 3rd bone marrow transplant.
36. sept 12, 2016 a play it forward challenge video I made for Maya’s magnificent mama and Maya
37. March 16, 2017 just a video dave and i made for maya cuz we lava her
38. Oct. 8, 2017 And last but not least, the video I made for her at the queen bee 1/2 marathon this year, which i ran in memory of her.
[I am reposting this #tbt in honor and sweet memory of my little warrior sister, Maya the Magnificent aka my mini me. I wrote it 3 years ago. A time part of me wishes I had the superpower to throw back this Thursday to. My sweet Maya finished her loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggg battle against #AML #fuckcancer. 9/12/03 – 10/2/17. She was only 14. #butthoughshebebutlittleshewasfierce She was 6 when she got diagnosed with AML. 3 battles. 3 bone marrow transplants. Think about it. Half. Her. Short. But. Sweet. Life. She spent her last year at St. Jude fighting for her life. Every damn day. 365. She had her 3rd bone marrow transplant the day after her 13th birthday. She spent her entire year of being 13 in the hospital fighting for her life. She turned 14 in the hospital. She finished her fight a few days after she turned 14. The last video I got from her was of her opening up the birthday presents I sent her. A nurse walked in and interrupted her and kinda rained on that parade and sweet Maya’s eyes rained a little and the gift parade ended. I don’t even know if she got to open them all and it breaks my heart but that’s not even the point. The point is, cancer is a motherfucker. And before anybody says Maya lost her battle, please don’t. Maya didn’t lose her battle; and cancer sure as hell didn’t win. Please don’t give cancer that kinda #fakenews credit. The cancer is no more. Maya kicked its ass, took down its number like nobody’s biz, took. cancer. down. And Maya is forever. She will live on and on to infinity and beyond in the hearts and memories and Maya shaped holes she left down here This is the truth as best as I know it: Maya fought the good fight; she finished her race; she kept the faith #likeaboss. Like she told me on one of the old videos we used to make together, her superpower weapon was her smile. I am here to testify to that, her truth. Her. Smile. Slayed. It slayed me. And I know it slayed cancer. I seriously don’t know many adults that have gone through suffering like my girl Maya with such grace. And I will never be the same from the pleasure of knowing her and being loved by her. I always say she made me want to be the best version I could be of myself. And my hard truth was, I don’t think we were done. That time the sky fell.]
This is how Maya and I met.
My little warrior sister Maya the Magnificent aka my mini me
Maya’s mama posted this pic on my Facebook wall, after they saw a video I shot at a Stand Up To Cancer event we had for my 2-year cancerversary in August 2010. The video was my daughter’s entry in SU2C’s “Up To You” music video contest. The challenge was to put your own spin on the song. The top 3 would be featured on the SU2C show that September.
This was my sweet Amanda’s spin on the song. I shot the film (that’s why I’m not in it) and my sweet Mikeyy edited the video. The band behind her is the rest of The Kicked-in Fence: her brothers Matt (guitar) and Mikeyy (djembe) and their friend Dustin Boudinet (guitar). All the lovely peeps are the kinds of friends I got by with a little help from. A few of them I miss because they have since finished their own cancer battles. Which only makes this video more precious because it captures a moment when we all stood up to cancer together. It. was. magical.
Amanda got 4th place in the contest. But the point is, this is the ripple Maya caught a wave, or rather a high-5, into our lives on. After Maya saw the video, she asked her mom to take that epic pic of her giving me a SU2C high-5 and standing up to cancer with me. Is their anything more precious?
Me & Maya… or is it Maya & me?
The reason I bring this all up is because everybody’s always asking me about how Maya and I met.
So once upon a time 9 years ago, I happened to flip on the TV and catch the first Stand Up To Cancer show, while recovering from my double mastectomy and my first chemo cocktail hangover. I know this sounds super self-centered, but I felt like it was made for me TV. Like maybe somehow the stars aligned and the big dipper was pouring out the proverbial spoonful of sugar over the Evanshire. (Of course, I took it shaken not stirred, in case you’re wondering;)
[…And somehow the dots in that constellation connected Maya and me and my life will never be the same from her light shining bright like a diamond like it did/still does/always will. Fly high, Magnificent Maya. #twinkletwinkle little star…]
It’s the night before my birthday. I’ve been feeling all the feels about getting to have another birthday, another road-trip around the sun, all day today. This one will be my 52nd. But I’d like to take 5 before I hit the gas, hit the road, chase the sunset. Cuz ever since 3 years ago today, on another day before my birthday, I got other feels that I just gotta repect. Feels that make me feel like taking a knee, to remember, to honor, my friend/doppelganger/breast cancer sister/fellow aerodynamic runner/SCAR girl Barbie Ritzco aka Marathon Barbie aka Gunnery Sergeant Barbara Ritzco, USMC.
I don’t know if she’s resting in peace or not cuz I imagine the SCAR girl reunion in heaven is still a bit lit since Barbie got there 3 years ago today. Still. Damn, I miss her like hell down here. And even though she’s still with me in spirit… or maybe it’s phantom pain, like sometimes how I feel something in my boobs that aren’t there anymore. The price of love. The proof. Of love. A beauty mark that she was here. Etched in me. Like a #WWBD? carved into, our outta, my soul. Maybe that old saying “you can’t take anything with you” is #fakenews. Cuz it sure feels like she took a part of me with her. I like that thought. The beauty mark she left on me, was also a piece of me she took with her. #partinggifts
So #WWBD? What. Would. Barbie. Do? That is the question I ruminate today, the day before my birthday, as I remember her.
Last month, I was happy, honored, and humbled to help bring David Jay’s Unknown Soldier Project to Cincinnati. One of the superpower most special parts of this exhibit, for me, besides getting the old SCAR Cincy crew together, was seeing my friend Barbie’s SCAR portrait on exhibit with The Unknown Soldier Project for the first time. Though to me, it felt more like: Finally.
On the surface, Gunnery Sergeant Barbara Ritzco’s portrait might seem to be a rather “unusual deployment” in The Unknown Soldier exhibition. Her amputation is not like the other amputations in the exhibit. Her IED was breast cancer to the chest. Her amputation was the collateral damage. Her battle with breast cancer was her unusual deployment, and one she would always say was the hardest one because it took her away from the men who served under her. Reluctantly, though, as she watched the lump grow on her chest, trying to will it away so as not to leave her brothers behind. And in the end, she laid down her life for her brothers all the same. Barbie died a couple weeks before her 40th birthday. She died planning her 20th year retirement party (with her sister who had enlisted with her). Which ended up being her sister’s retirement party and Barbie’s celebration of life. And we are proud to see her The SCAR Project portrait rightfully in this band of brothers and sisters. The following is Barbie’s The SCAR Project bio, in her own words, written shortly after her diagnosis at 36.
“Training didn’t prepare me. A weapon, a FLAK jacket and a Kevlar helmet didn’t protect from THIS enemy. 18 years active duty. Two combat deployments. I was diagnosed with Stage IIIB Breast Cancer, after only four months in Afghanistan.
Perseverance, endurance, determination. Things that have been taught to me and instilled in me. Giving up or giving in is not an option. I have skydived, surfed, swam, cycled and completed about 15 Marathons since my diagnosis.
I didn’t set out to accomplish all these things with any real purpose. I needed to remain active for my own sanity and dignity. Adapt and overcome. I am adapting to my new life with Breast Cancer and using it as my motivation to keep moving forward. I have been led, unarmed, to a different battlefield, in a different fight, one that is uncertain, unpredicted, and currently undefeated.
I am not going to ever get over Breast Cancer or move past it. I will live with it for the rest of my life. Remission is not a cure. I don’t believe people actually “see” Breast Cancer. They hear about it but they don’t listen. It is a terrible thing that happens to everyone else but could never happen to them. Everyone needs to understand and visually see the realness of this disease. Breast Cancer takes no prisoners. It can take anyone at any time.
The SCAR Project has allowed me to uniquely express myself and showcase how Breast Cancer has broken me down and stripped me of every feminine indicator yet I fight, unprotected, unarmed, and unwavering… but most importantly, unashamed.”
Click HERE to read Barbie’s SCAR story in her own words on The SCAR Project Blog.
Click HERE to see footage of Barbie sharing her SCAR story at The SCAR Toronto Exhibition in 2014.
Click HERE to see footage of Barbie’s SCAR portrait hanging with her band of brothers at The Unknown Soldier Exhibit in Cincinnati last month.
9 years ago today was the mother of all inciting incidents for me. My doctor called and said the damn c-word to me. No, the bad one: cancer. Tonight, FB memories reminded me of a few postcards from the road #shakennotstirred #breastcancer #chemococktails #memorylane…
Here’s a recap, post by post. #nofilter
August 20, 2008: No post cuz Day 1 and I didn’t know it yet.
August 20, 2009: No post but still downing chemo cocktails.
August 20, 2010: 2 years ago today… my breast surgeon said the C-word to me. I say, F the c-word. I don’t mean to offend; it’s just what’s on my mind.
Also: Chapter 16 is a wrap
August 20, 2011: Three years ago today I found out I had cancer. The past 1096 days have been a lot of me crowd surfing like in this video. Last night I watched soul surfer and learned how to really surf. Wow. Today this song goes out to all my survivor siblings. I’m part of your crowd so go ahead, surf, hang ten even!
August 20, 2013:High freaking 5 everybody! Well, it’s been 5 years since I got that damn phone call with those nasty damn words that I had cancer. Except for the incredible mercy of God, I don’t know how I got here…how I get to be here… but here we are… and what. a. CrAzYRiDe it’s been!
Last year on August 20, to celebrate my 4-year cancerversary milestone, while simultaneously kicking off the countdown to my fab 5-year cancerversary/not-a-chemo-cocktail-party (THIS FRIDAY NIGHT Y’ALL!!), I started a video blog of “A Year of Living Sincerely” in honor of my beautiful friend V and her www.thelivesincerelyproject.com.
Last night I posted episode 206 about the Little Miami 1/2 marathon I ran on Sunday. It was my 4th half, and my first to run in under 2 hours! My finish was 1:56:43, which placed me 4th in my age category! That finish seems rather apropos to how I’m feeling today.
Also: Getting party supplies for Friday night’s not-chemo-cocktail party!!
Also: My beautiful friend V and me.
August 20, 2014: Hello FB loves! So, today’s my 6-year Cancerversary aka #shakennotstirred day—what, what?! (Go me, BOO cancer!) Anyway, so here’s some thoughts, a couple chapters from my book, Shaken Not Stirred . . . a Chemo Cocktail, about the way this day went down 6 years ago when we heard the C-word, a link to the Kindle version of my book which is FREE today AND TOMO, and a link to the “Cancer is a Bitch” song by my Redheads.
Also: Love, love, LOVE me some Jennifer Pastiloff. Looking so freaking forward to Labor Day Retreat with her in Ojai, Cali. David Evans is sending me as a gift for my 6-year cancerversary (which is TODAY–yay me, BOO cancer) and my birthday (which is next month). I never ever know what to ask for, and it always drives Dave and the Redheads bOnKeRs that I don’t make lists from them to make their lives easier, lol. But THAT’S how much I love me some Jen Pastiloff. I actually made a cancerversary/birthday list. With one thing on it. BAM.
I LOVE this excerpt from an article of hers. Hell I pretty much love everything she writes. But this one seems timely. Hell it kinda seems timely all the time.
This.
“Here’s what I say to you, to me, and to anyone that cares to read this: The long and the short is this: stop judging so much. People are doing their best. You are doing your best. You will keep getting better. You will keep rising to the occasion. You will keep meeting yourself in the coffee shop or bar and telling yourself what your Highest Self would do now. What Love would do now. And now. And now.”
And this.
“I will love harder.”
That’s really all that matters, isn’t it? LOVE.
Word. That word. Love. The end.
August 20, 2015: Do you know what today is?
7 years ago TODAY
My doctor called and said that bad c-word to me.
No, the really bad one…cancer.
But
Here I am
7 years later…
I GET TO STILL BE HERE!
Cuz today is my lucky day! #lucky7#luckyme
I’m the luckiest duck!
And p.s. #fuckcancer
I burned 199 calories at an average pace of 23:31 per mi.
RUNKEEPER
Also: So…to celebrate my upcoming #lucky7 year cancerversary, the Kindle edition of Shaken Not Stirred . . . a Chemo Cocktail will be FREE over this looooooonnnng and happiest of weekends of Aug 20-24, 2015. Please help me give the big middle finger to cancer, and download the crap out of my book! Please share and have your friends help me #flipoffcancer. And, if you feel like leaving me a #NotaLoneStarReview you will not only make my freaking day, but you will most DEF win at life, in my book. Click HERE.
August 20, 2016: No post cuz I was with the Grace project on the road-trip to Houston.
August 20, 2017: 9 yrs ago today my doc called and said the damn c-word to me. No, the bad one: cancer. Lifting a glass 2 my health & a finger 2 #fuckcancer
I have my quarterly oncology check up coming up next week.
THIS. is just another reason why, once the #pinkmonkey has jumped on your back, the damn pink monkey is always on your back. Always.
Practically everybody knows the stats that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. But the collateral damage from all the pink is that too many peeps believe we are done (even though pink means rare) and breast cancer is now a “manageable” thing. That just because we who are the 1’s in 8 have a whole month dedicated to us, that breast cancer is the good even lucky kinda cancer to get. Cancer is an insidious bastard and there are no good kinds. Even if you get a whole month filled with bottomless pink buckets of fried chicken dedicated to your cancer like I get with mine. Even if all the chicken BREASTS in the buckets don’t seem the most sympathetic kinda “support” for “aerodynamic” breast cancer peeps like me. But I digress.
1 in 8. That doesn’t seem like a lot if you are in a room with me. And I don’t mind taking that bullet one bit for you. I love you and hope you never have to join this damn exclusive club.
But here’s the thing. Whenever I’m in a room with 9 of my fellow 1 in 8’s, stats hit the fan like #shithitsthefan. To the point: 3 out of 10 of us who have been diagnosed with breast cancer will recur and become metastatic aka #stage4. There is no cure for stage 4. And there is no stage 5.
30%. Not manageable. Not good. Not lucky. Yeah, it’s better than a coin toss. Unless you already rolled a 1 out of 8. Like I did. And like my 9 friends in the room did. That’s why the odds don’t always feel like they are with us. That’s why the pink monkey always is. On our backs.
I was so superpower sad to see that Olivia Newton John has, after 20 years remission, recurred and gone metastatic. #fuckcancer She will be in my prayers, with all my other friends who also have to fight that fight every damn day of their lives for the rest of their lives.
That’s not OK with me. And the #truthbomb is that until we do something different with the way we fight breast cancer, 3 out of 10 of me & my gang, regardless of how aware we were or how early our diagnosis, will experience recurrence.
Now, I’m not against awareness, at all, so don’t get me wrong here. But it seems to me the shift that needs to happen in the way we fight breast cancer is a shift toward the other end of the spectrum, not taking away from awareness, but a laser beam kinda focus on #metastatic cancer, on curing the kind of cancer that kills. Would 30% be too much to ask, if you or someone you knew was in the 30%? Cuz here’s the current situation is that, of all the monies raised to fight cancer, only 7% goes for Metastatic research.
Holy WOW! Talk about a happy #blastfromthepast of a #fbf memory! So today is Shaken Not Stirred . . . a Chemo Cocktail‘s birthday! Once upon a time 5 years ago tonight aka 11/11/11 at 11:11pm I made the first biggest dream of my life come true, pushed PUBLISH, my book went live on Amazon, and we popped a cork on a bottle of champagne to celebrate!
Besides obvi popping another cork today, I thought it would be superkaPOWer fun to #SHAKEN things up a bit and give away 5 signed copies in honor of my book baby’s 5th bday. So if you’d like to enter to win one, for yourself or for a gift, send me a #postcardfromtheroad from wherever you are, and I’ll #shaken them all up and randomly pick 5. (Don’t forget to write down the name and addy for me to inscribe and mail to.) Here’s my addy: PO Box 882, West Chester, OH 45071.
And in case you are wondering what to buy a 5-year-old? The best. gift. EVER. that you could (pretty please _/\_) get my sweet book baby that would #shaken up and rock its (and my) world like no other…would be to click HERE and give it the ol’ thumbs up and shiny stars on Amazon. 5-year-olds LOVE stars! (As a self-published author, that is not just my bread and butter, but like Popeye’s spinach to me.) So thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who has already written a review or will go do that most uber epic act of kindness for my book baby!
14 years ago today, the day before my “aerodynamic surgery” aka mastectomy aka the amputation of my boobs, in preparation for my chemo “haircut”, I decided it was high time for an epic check mate kinda move & had my goldilocks cut off in an attempt to taper down to the bald. I actually had a party at the Salon that day with my Pinot Grigio girls from my hood. Take that cancer.
https://youtu.be/STvnp0phjMw
